This is the party slogan that all women are supposed to fall in line behind. Even if we're not really on board with the statement.
Without fail, the number one question people ask me when they find out I do not call myself a feminist is...
"Well, do you believe in equality?"
My answer is always, "Well, ofcourse. I'm not a dick."
In response, the person in question always dramatically waves their hands at me as though they are revealing some kind of magic trick and says, "Then you are a feminist."
I think I am supposed to find this statement revelatory. I think I am supposed to act shocked and stare open mouthed as I stammer out some sort of query as to how that is possible.
That is obviously not my response. If I am totally honest, I find this reply very frustating.
How do I politely tell men and women who keep quoting the definition of feminism to me that;
I am actually not an imbecile
I have heard this reposnse from feminists about one hundred times before
I do know what the dicitonary defintion of feminism is and...
None of that changes my mind one, little bit
You see the thing is...the goals of feminism have shifted over time. As such the conotation of the word, and it what means to call yourself a feminist, has changed too.
On my side of the fence, it feels like there is an assumption that all women who don't call themselves feminists are either uneducated and ignorant, brainwashed by the patricachy or, as Clementine Ford suggests, afraid that men won't like them.
(Fight like a Girl, chapter 8, page 140)
Personally, I find that point of view offensive to women. It suggest that we are dumb, easily manipulated and shallow.
Coming from people who claim to advocate on behalf of women...I find this to be hypocritical at best.
My real problem with people responding to my decision not to call myself a feminist by reading the dictionary aloud as though this somehow settles the matter...is that they are silencing my voice.
The conversation is over the second they respond with the predictable, "But that's what it means to be a feminist!"
Especially if they make this statement infront of a room full of people. I immediately become the punchline of an overdone joke. People chuckle at the silly misinformed girl and everyone moves on.
I never get the chance to express my own thoughts on this matter. The opportunity is stolen by a cheap jab that alludes to my apparent stupidity.
I am an intelligent, educated, independent, don't let anyone push me around kind of girl. It should give people pause that I don't call myself a feminist. After all, I am a child of the 21st century. I grew up with a feminism IV hooked up to my right arm. The fact I'm not a feminist should make people wonder one very simple question; why?
Instead the evidence of my intelligence, education, independence and assertive nature seems to be thrown out the window once people hear me utter the one phrase that equates to feminist blasphemy.
"I am not a feminist."
Without hestistation, people jump to the conclusion that a woman, me, they knew to be intelligent ten seconds ago, must really be ignorant and misinformed. The belief that a quick vocabularly lesson will clear the matter right up seems to be deeply ingrained.
Some part of me finds its quite amusing that the same people who complain about mansplaining consistently try to teach me the definition of a word that it is blatantly obvious I know the meaning of.
Aside from the hypocrisy of a feminist acitively supressing the voices of other women because they don't like what those women are saying...there is one other serious problem associated with shutting down women's voices on this issue.
When no one gets to hear from us...no one understands why we stand where we stand. Instead of asking us why we aren't feminists, they listen to Clementine Ford when she says that women aren't feminists because they are "mean spirited and awful and they don't give a shit about anyone but themselves."
(Fight Like a Girl, chapter 8, page 148)
You may dismiss me as some nutty outlier who isn't worth listening to but I am not the only woman who feels this way.
The question of why women don't like to call ourselves feminists is a complicated one. I think alot of women who share my views would have slightly different answers for you.
I can only speak for myself.
I would be a feminist if I thought the feminist movement lived up to the definiton of feminism.
Feminism: the social, political and economic equality of the sexes.
I don't believe it lives up to that name. It does a very good job of advocating for the rights of women. Some of those movements, like protecting women from female genital muitlation, I support. Other movements, like free the titty, I find utterly superfulous.
It is not only the wealth of what appear to be materialistic, shallow campaigns that are supported by modern day feminism that cause me to distance myself from the term.
It is feminism's silence on the issues of men.
How can you claim to strive for equality between the sexes when you ignore the male rate of suicide, when you are silent of the male rate of drug addiction, when you go missing during conversations about the male rate of homelessness? I firmly believe that if these were women's issues...feminists would be marching in the street today to raise awareness.
They are not women's issues though. They are men's. So feminism takes no interest.
Infact, not only does it do nothing...it actually blames these problems on men. "It's men's fault that their dying." "It's men's fault that they're addicted to drugs." "It's men's fault that they're homeless."
We don't play that game with women. Not anymore anyway. Feminism made damn sure of that.
Try to blame a woman for the issues she is facing as a result of systemic power strucutres...and you're instantly guilty of victim blaming. Smeared with words like 'misogynist' and 'sexist'.
Play that game with men though...and that makes you woke.
You can read the dictionary definition of feminism aloud to be from now until my dying day. Until the movement lives up to its name, I will not stand among its ranks.