GITTA HODGETTS

learn to listen as much as you speak

WHY GIRLS DON’T DATE THE “NICE GUYS”

Hey boys. Ready to hear me talk trash about girls making dumb decisions? Well, suck me. I won’t do my girls like that. I got their backs.

Here’s the honest truth from the perspective of a girl who’s met many men playing the old “I’m such a nice guy” card.

There are two types of people who play that card.

  • people who are actually nice (shocker)
  • and people who are not very nice at all

Now, here’s the thing…even if you are actually nice that still doesn’t mean that anyone should have to date you.

News-motherfucking-flash.

Being nice is not a ticket into anyone’s pants. All it qualifies you for is a job in customer service.

Because you know what nice is? Not very much.

Nice isn’t even kind.

It’s just…the absolute minimum expected for basic human interaction.

I mean…congratu-fucking-lations.

You’re not calling me names. You’re not stealing from me. You’re not abusing me. You’re not putting me down and you’re not lying to me.

You know who else manages to do avoid doing those things?

Everyone who is not an asshole.

In fact, being nice is more of a list of the things that you’re not rather than a list of things that you are.

So…really when you say that people should date you because you’re nice…what you’re really saying is people should date you because you’re not an ass.

Yeah, great logic.

All of my friends also manage not to be assholes. You know who I’m not fucking? My friends. Because being nice doesn’t mean I wanna do you.

It just means you’re not giving me a reason to dislike you.

That is, until you play that “Why don’t you wanna be with me? I’m so nice” card.

Not all guys who claim to be nice…even manage to do that

Now…before I dive in…I should note that I’m not calling anyone out here. I’m not directing this shit at anyone in particular.

This blog is more of a general observation of the things that I have seen happen to my friends and to myself as well.

So, don’t get your titties in a twist if you think I’m talking about you.

I am not.

We should also note here…this is not a problem specific to men. Nothing ever is. Girls pull this kind of shit, too.

Aaaand back to my point.

Very often (not always, but often) the people pulling that whole ‘nice guy’ card…end up being the exact opposite.

Think about it.

The nicest people I have ever met in my life have never once uttered the phrase “I am such a nice person.”

I’m sure the same is true for you, too.

Nice people don’t actually have to express the fact they’re nice. Their reputation proceeds them.

Also…they tend not to be nice out of desire for recognition or reward. They just bloody are. So, they don’t feel need to express it to anyone.

They certainly don’t treat being nice as some kind of currency used for the acquirement of sex.

You know why? Because if there’s something that can unequivocally be described as not nice…it’s assuming that buying me dinner or telling me I look nice earns you a right to do me.

In case there’s any kind of confusion in you’re mind about that…IT DOESN’T!

Here’s the thing I’ve learnt about the “I’m such a nice guy” phrase in the past five years or so…it is boarder line manipulative.

In fact, if I’m being honest…I don’t even think it’s boarder line manipulative. It just is manipulative.

It’s putting some kind of responsibility on the person you’re trying to fuck that they should comply because you were nice.

As though the compliments you provided, the ride you gave them from the train station and the fact you picked up the phone when they were having a bad day…some how entitles you to a relationship. Or even more creepily…to a free fuck.

So…what is the attraction of the so called ‘fuck boy’?

If the self titled nice guy doesn’t always turn out to be nice…what is that’s drawing people to a person who is so obviously a fuck boy?

No.

Contrary to popular belief, it is not some misguided idea that the casual sex will at some point turn into the classic love tale we’ve all seen in the movies.

It’s the reliability provided by the fuck boy.

I know what you’re thinking.

What the actual fuck, Gitta? Fuck boys? Reliable? Am I on crack?

Nope…no crack here.

If there’s one thing you can bank on when it comes to a fuck boy…he’s not going to lure you into a relationship only to manipulate you.

Fuck boys don’t care enough to put effort into doing that. Either there is sex available or there isn’t.

That’s usually the extent of their care factor.

I’ve known a fuck boy or two. And I would much rather spend time with them, then these melons running around talking about how nice they are.

Do you know what I’ve never heard a fuck boy say to me?

  • I don’t want you dressing like that
  • I don’t want you hanging around that friend of yours
  • Why didn’t you text me back?
  • Who’s that guy in your profile picture?
  • If you cared about me…you wouldn’t have done that
  • I can see that you’re online…why are you ignoring me?

I could go on but you get the general gist. They’re not out here trying to emotionally manipulate anyone.

They’re just looking for a bit of sex. It’s a safe trade. Sex for sex. No trust required and no hearts broken.

No risk of emotional attachment to someone who turns out to be an utter melon.

Or so the theory goes when we get tangled up with them initially.

Of course, when you’re getting that intimate with someone you can’t help but to give a damn about them.

The risk for getting hurt is still there. We know it, we’re not dumb.

It’s just a much less stressful ordeal than the manipulation and the lies that so often come from these tool bags running around talking about how nice they are.

If you haven’t gotten the point yet…nice guys don’t need to tell anyone their nice. It’s just fucking obvious from the way they behave on a daily basis.

So, if you’re that guy….the “Why won’t you date me? I’m so nice!”…you might want to have a think about how nice you are.

There are some real ones out there. I know. I’ve met you.

But I’ve also met the people who genuinely seem to think they’re a stand up guy when they just really, fucking aren’t.

To the guys out there who are actually nice…I am sorry that this crazy shit affects you

If you’re one of the dudes who’s genuinely nice and trying to figure out why you’ve got such a shit hand in the dating world…I don’t know what to tell you.

There are some absolute twits out there who are very good at imitating what it looks like to be a nice guy.

Right up until they’re not.

The result is that we hear your compliments and your praise and your admiration and whatever else you are trying to give us.

And our nostrils are filled with the overwhelming scent of bullshit.

Why? Because you’re saying the same shit that all the fuckwits before you said.

That’s not your fault but unfortunately there’s not a whole lot that you can do about it either.

Of course, that classic “I’m such a nice guy, why don’t girls want to be with me” really isn’t helping you.

Definitely ditch that phrase. And the entire idea that anyone is going to want to be with you based solely off the fact you’re nice.

If I were you…I’d stop focusing on how nice you are and start focusing on all the reasons you’re so much more than that.

We’re not going to fall for you because you’re nice.

It’ll be because you’re funny. Or your honest. Or intelligent. Quirky. Because you come through. Or a shit tonne of other reasons that you could be fucking fire.

Just be yourself. Fiercely and without apology. Let us find out what those reasons are.

You’re more than a nice guy. You’re so much more than that. And that’s why one day…one of us is going to take a chance on you.

They’ll fall for you for so much more than the fact your amiable and polite.

To all the other fuckwits imitating a nice guy…SUCK ME, MATE.

As always…

be kind, my loves.

Gitta

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